Hi. My name is Natalie and I am a Diet Coke Addict. Deep down I always suspected I had a problem. The click, the tsssst, the bubbles. The immediate relief to whatever I was seeking relief from. Tired, busy, in need of an energy boost, wanting to relax, in need of refreshment, pushing out a giant headed baby, whatever the situation, that gorgeous silver and red can is the perfect accompaniment.
Yes I know. Diet Coke is the drink of the Devil. Satan's refreshment. The blood of Beelzebub. I don't care.
Am I drinking it to lose weight? No. How many do I drink a day? Too many. Why don't I drink regular Coke? I like Diet Coke. Do I know what's in Diet Coke? Yes, it's battery acid for my insides. Oh and FYI it's not sweetened with Aspartame any more. So there.
Labour One I cried, actual tears, when they took my Diet Coke off of me and insisted I drink clear fluids. "It is clear, you can see through it moron. Put it in a glass, look through it and telling me what finger I'm holding up". Labour Two, I had the wisdom that comes from experience. I had a can by the side of the pool, one hiding behind the curtains and one stashed in the bathroom, which made that post-birth shower amazing.
I realised I might have a problem on Valentine's Day. Christchurch shook again and after making sure Milky Chops and Bean were ok, my next thought was; "It's ok, we've just been shopping, I'm stocked up on Diet Coke".
So I decided to give it up. And a month later, I finally geared myself up to doing so.
Here's how the first week was:
Day 1. What was I worried about? I don't have a problem. I'm feeling totally fine. Although why on earth anyone would buy a bottle of water when they could buy a bottle of Coke is beyond me. But for the sake of proving I don't have a problem, here, take $3 for something I can get from the tap.
Day 2. Hmm, I'm feeling a bit flat. Diet Coke would help. Nah, I don't have a problem. If I have a can, does it mean I've got a problem? I mean, there are worse things I could do. Like crack. Oh well, copius amounts of tea it is. Why do I need to pee so much?
image: Modern Family
Day 3. I don't know who I hate more. The person who invented Diet Coke or the person that decided it was bad. Screw it. I hate you all. My head hurts, my eyes won't stay open, I'm peeing like I'm pregnant again and nothing tastes good. I might just have one can. Damn it. I cleared the house. The Husband asks why I'm crabby. I can't admit the real reason without looking weak. So I tell him the answer that scares all men. Women's problems. Anything else?!
image: Grey's Anatomy
Day 4. I have my first pimple in months. This can't be coincidence. Diet Coke is the secret to clear skin. On the other hand, I am less bloated. I had no idea I was this trim. Well, not trim, but less rotund shall we say. Unlike Mount Vesuvius on my forehead.
image: Monster's Inc
Day 5. Coke Zero, now that's not Diet Coke right? It still counts? If I wasn't so tired, I'd hate you all again. And by tired, I mean I literally cannot keep my eyes open. Diet Coke must really be a life force.
image: The Walking Dead
Day 6. Ok, I don't know what's going on. I haven't fancied a biscuit or chocolate today. I didn't add sugar to my porridge. It might be true that diet sodas make you crave sweet things. I'm also thirsty all the time, like a real thirst. I'd go outside and drink the rain. I'm drinking heaps more water - so that should help with the spot I suppose.
image: House of Cards
Day 7. Yeah, ok a week in, I don't feel too bad. I suppose. Not going to lie, if I had one can, I'd probably have four. I don't do moderation when it comes to the things I love. Do I feel better? What do you care, at least I'm no longer drinking poison. You can stop tagging me in that Facebook scaremongering post about diet sodas. I'm a reformed character.
I'm now 3 weeks free from Diet Coke. I've lost 5kg without changing anything else. My skin is clear again, and looks healthier. My tummy feels less bloated. I also have an extra $20-30 a week. Which I'm putting towards a Beauty Box each month. If you offered me a DC right now, I'm confident I'd say no.*
*Total lie. I'd sell The Husband for just one can.
BR Natalie's first Beauty Box with her Diet Coke savings is the Incredible Eyes box.